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WBEN NewsRadio 930>Audio & Video on Demand>>5-20 Tom Bauerle Show Hour 2

5-20 Tom Bauerle Show Hour 2

May 20, 2014|

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

News radio 930 WB ES yeah. And he would -- right. Yeah yeah. Yeah hold to -- -- the end. For a few months ago when you were asked what's the biggest geopolitical threat facing America you so much. But al-Qaeda that Russia. In the 1980s are now calling asked for the foreign policy back. Wherever and whenever I can pick up without legislation to expand opportunity for more American families that's what I'm gonna do when that happened to. -- -- -- -- -- Was -- Tom hourly I don't even know this. I think it might back bathing it's -- it's local -- is the it's Tom hourly -- with cool whip completely cool whip who lived here and on news radio 930. -- and actually watching it and admit this Family Guy and the man the last night before it fell asleep and there's -- where Peter has a whip. And still we locks out -- that says call. And I thought of the interview show and I'm sure that that was part of Baghdad with Seth MacFarlane infinitely guy. Count I love him hate him I love them hate what matters to look back. Ten minutes after four if you see major traffic issues you can always feel -- to get physical 803 -- 8030321. Is our traffic command number. 80303214. Major issues of course with the rain coming down an afternoon drive you know about that sometimes means. Now last week we ought. To promising young lives come to. An end ones. Was. A story that people have followed for quite some time -- -- -- needed a miracle the miracle was not forthcoming the other was -- sudden accidental death. But Natalie Lou is send Natalie -- a lot of friends a lot of people who -- here in Western New York. And she obviously just -- the world got her whole life improper and I feel so bad for the guy she was given -- and obviously. I I feel horrible. -- -- -- -- But the guy she was going to spend the rest of life where. Sir I -- all I can do is just dead. Extend my heartfelt sympathies to you I just can't imagine what it is like to news. The love of your life suddenly. And in bad fashion and you know try to find -- Reason where some affirmative. Purposeful. And gonna be a lot of support down the line. And guys in his twenties. In and exactly experienced. In your twenties. Now I wanna read -- briefly actually get to that later I have somebody -- hold who's been on hold for a while. Faith in -- -- wanna hear the conclusion to her story because her dad died at the age of 51. Her husband died at the age of 51 and her little brother died at the age of 51. And -- Are we talking about the same kind of cause of death or worker where is the 51 just a coincidence as opposed to some. Genetic predisposition. And heart condition that no one knew they -- And it is coincident. Want to until our real artwork on the -- making out again. And they like -- covered at all. Wow look at this I'm not fat content in my brother -- -- at the -- -- it -- -- but the point in the -- how like. I'm my -- let one it was very sudden. And I needed help. And I joined. It actually what you are buying chair from our way to go -- -- where each. Night Torre. And it would seem it would provide -- To talk to other people who pick and -- what I was struggling throughout should and then later and I would help for new people. We're just going through what I did and -- I recommend. -- support for anybody. Who can't cluster. We -- different people. As -- come out on anything you don't know different people handle things in in different ways so people prefer to be self sufficient some people think it's a sign of weakness if they turn to somebody for help in dealing with what is part of the normal chain of human events. I did say that whatever you have to do that is going to be of assistance to you. That's what you do. Which you aren't is that -- two people -- fruit -- is saying why. You -- Q do. Whatever you can do to get through to the Arthur and and the biggest lesson I learned. And kept me along non cash -- on. We got its fingers in that it's time for somebody to gobble. Popping going to stop there. I now look back at least three and that I love in my life and realize that the ticket I'd like to get things aren't that. It's your turn. -- -- What's it I don't -- to -- here but was it the same a written in the was it drew goddess syndrome did they have the same EKG pattern that -- do you mean what are we talking about the same thing here that other male relatives. -- I'm not exactly. But it -- -- and my Brothers like the worse because nobody. Aren't you don't think you're going to outlive your younger brother. And he actually died on Thursday the dollar amount if it hadn't been -- in -- teammates are. Well -- why she hadn't seen arming go to work. Extra -- they got and bury it it didn't -- -- Monday night. Good heavens. Well I. I I I'm very happy that you called him and I hope that in some ways your story was helpful to those who experienced a whole bunch of loss at the same time. And you know I think back to. This is gonna have your date be a bit. By 1983. When they're Korean airlines flight double 07 was shut down. When you -- come into high -- families die entire families wiped out in a plane crash that's tough. I I thank you so much for your call my dear I really do end you hang in there and of course what you do now as you help others get through what you've been through. I don't. All the current. Well good good for you and that's you know that's a good part about the Internet -- these chat rooms where you can get assistance from other people other parts of the Internet are deep. Dark dark holes and pitfalls of hatred and vitriol and you gotta stay away -- -- or you will begin to have you know fantasies of being a serial killer. This market like at this and the bank -- it it was from people all over the country. Oh right right I. I understand it -- my point is that's the good part of the Internet there are parts of the Internet though that ought to be avoided at all parts because they were present the absolute worst the -- a year of humanity. And you're really wonder these people ever got out of their mom's basement. Where -- they Al -- there an acute care -- can't -- you can monitor kids chat room. And Robert -- out. -- I would you talk about the perverts are just talking about the people were filled with hate and bigotry goal and they just did decide that since they can't be happy their job and life is to bring everybody else down. Which is one -- way to spend one's life thanks very much -- glad you called on. I want to share with you an email -- actually prompted me to do the show is I wasn't gonna do. Effective Friday I said I do not have it in me to do was show -- Ben I I can't do it I was not I was not. I gotta tell -- I was not emotionally up to doing it. Because. A five year old buying is just not something that I mean I've ever that the kids. You know I followed it as much as I could but I've never met him but all I know it's a five year old as a five year old and five year olds aren't supposed to die. And I received the email which really kind of put me over the edge since it made me say I have to do the show. And here's the email Tom yesterday. When you said you couldn't do a show on -- I was so relieved. On May third. A few years ago we lost. Out on May third of this year we lost her 21 year old daughter. To a rare stomach illness called superior -- and -- artery syndrome. She was one of about 1000. People in the world to have various. Where she basically starve to death after a five year too weak bat -- two week battle. Her 65 pound five foot eight body just could not fight anymore. Feeding tubes didn't work because she could not absorb the nutrients. I slept three feet from her she stopped breathing. Or couldn't get enough air in to keep the brain function at normal. I revived her long enough to get some air moving until paramedics arrived. Three days later we pulled the -- later based on her -- given to me in earlier discussions we had about different scenarios. By the way. Kudos to that family for discussing that it's a hard discussion to have. I've already told my family. No resuscitation. No extraordinary measures. In effect. My family knows and this is just for my family does not intended for anybody else my family knows the best they can do for me is a big fluffy pillow. Because there's a way I don't wanna live I can't live in bed I won't do. I mean not that way. Tom -- I change my mind. I would love to hear from other parents who have lost a child I wanna know how long the physical pain in my chest will last. Or will -- always be either how long before it can start this new life without every minute of her on my mind. I've only had three break downs since she left us. She just died earlier this month I'm afraid if I fall apart I won't ever get back up. May be hearing from others would help may be Walt I'm just lost I will say a leadership being an organ and tissue donor and helping fifty others helps some. What a great gift from the most selfless person you would ever. Me. I'm doing the show for the lady who sent me that email. And police show -- A leash is mom I watch it and no bet. There's another family out there who listens to me in a regular basis there's the Miller family they live in west Seneca. And her little boy DeVon. Died in a horrible. Car actually was hit by a car. The driver you know it was just it was an accident it was a legitimate accident. He died the car crazy when he was hit by car. And the hardest thing they had to do was decide that there was no hole. They had to. You know pull the battle later. And they became organ donors and if there was any affirmative. Meaning to Kevin's life it was the fact that -- like your daughter helped. Dozens of people. He never knew and never would know with the organs that were usable from his body which was badly injured. And that family went through they went through hell. And there's not a day that goes by the -- don't think it -- The other Miller children don't think it -- of course they do every single day he's a part of their family. As far as when the pain goes away. I don't think it ever goes away fully I think all of that happens is the immediate sting. Did -- issues I think the best analogy I can use is when he hit when you touch a burner. Right now you're still in that period where I got that hurts like hell. Over time it will die. In other words that immediate -- is gonna go away but the scar is always going to be with you and it's up to you. Whether you allow that -- to take over your life or whether you find value from -- star. Maybe in helping others in the same situation let's go to traffic right now on WB and here's Alan Harris. Folks -- in case you're waiting for Allen's traffic bad the music underneath them to start playing the computer screen went great that's why we didn't have the bad for for. -- -- If you see additional traffic information always her car accidents that we -- not telling you about. Always call us 8030321. -- next scheduled trapper report at 430 will always break in for major traffic issues. Here's an exclusive AccuWeather forecast overcast tonight shower or thunderstorm. Overnight low 55 tomorrow cloudy showers and thunderstorms seventy right now 69 at WB and by the way. If you know somebody who would be helped by this show but they're not listening and they can't listen I would suggest going to the WBE an audio vault. -- you can always hear my show is you can hear sandy beaches shows. I you can -- -- the interviews we do at the WB and on demand audio vault it's a great way to keep up with everything that happens here on the radio station even when you are unable to listen at the time things are being set the content remains -- And by the way I'd I always say this but in case there's an hour or segment missing. Just like any other business sometimes -- technical snafus it does not mean that there's some giant conspiracy or it's pretty dropped an F bomb -- we're trying to coverage. Because I'd never do such a -- ever really for 24 at WB -- coming up more of your calls. On dealing with. Now the death of your child and how long it takes to get over there. Because you can help other people we shouldn't mean this is going to be so what maudlin but it should also be helpful to those of you were there right now. And and I'm good. Play. Yeah and I. When you've -- me another go only. -- okay that's. Here good about him. So I have some DOD payment should command a podium this is one of many commander Cody songs everybody knows hot Rob Blake -- if you people -- more of Connecticut -- extensive disguise Griffey. And I'll let terrorism buffalo I think he played the sportsman's Ameren. On -- street and I think a long time ago back in the eighties anybody will -- play is called the bell star. Anybody yet he played out there one night but I was way too young -- out there and bomb would drive me. It anyway don't thrilled at thirty start -- 3180616. WBE editors Mary. In Matlock -- Mary thanks for holding its your turn. Hi thanks for taking my call I'm a mother who lost young child probably yours without -- about fifteen years on February. I'm also a social worker who worked with people increase in -- issues and I had to agree with you that you actually are cracked the idea of closure I mean that's -- to scrap their. Thank you. You're one of the few social workers -- actually agree with me on this concept of closure. Oprah where that idea came but the very concept of and I've always found idiotic. And it really is I mean you know the payment comes along with a child. -- it's so enormous and then you know the idea that you had somehow closed Matt -- about that connection that you hadn't analyzed it closer and bet you just navigated -- I have a little different way of coping in and I have to be yours in which I am -- spirit. I believe that there is no -- technical. I believe that you know statement and some warm and not through the years we have. You know commemorated her in the current -- and our lives as you remain that they part of our Stanley. And you know what -- -- that was the -- -- and mark miles and I've I believe you always and it helped. So let me. Let me ask you -- it is anti social worker what was it like as each -- I presume a trained and licensed social worker in New York State somebody who has helped others deal with the enormity of losing a child to adapt. What was it like for you to make the transition basically from somebody who helped. To somebody in need of some assistance in dealing. I have bust my daughter and then became. And I must argue later I got my license and so. It was not much longer after it was buried at a call I had to deal with a lot of my own thing and it brought up. So much. For me. You know I would relive the pain some days with that side you know I had -- satisfied and realize that you know every experience that everybody has to someone and not far. So. I I think it made me a batter. You know therapist. To to to be able to have that experience but. Yeah but I think you probably could've done without that personal experience. I also need to ask you something. The of them -- story is different. Then the -- Louis story because the -- saw our story we all knew little band needed a miracle. We knew the chances were slim there was not a lot of realistic hope. Involved and -- sour. And the Natalie Lewis story the hot air balloon accident. That was a sudden death. How significant is the difference between something that you almost anticipate. And something that just hit you from. The blue. Well I think see yet the effort -- when you have adapt it's not like if you are have some type of ostrich on an annualized. It becomes more the type of complicated. And you know not think about it but the gap and outlet -- a sudden -- you know it's you know amassed by. It's very dramatic and at Sutton and I can tell you that people have a much more difficult time off in my experience. Kind of working through that -- Are great car and then sometimes. You know even think about suicide and things like that. Because it's just it's too overwhelming they can't cope. What do you say that -- to marriage. I've seen that absolute tear America apart and -- -- the tunnel under the other entered the actor and where it's brought them closer together. I can say from it -- don't husband and I actually I've eaten. There. But I you know I kind of -- the other -- more on where say it cared part it's very difficult set to work through that. What's the dynamic OK here -- forgive my interruption but what is the dynamic when you're talking about people who have experienced the sudden loss of a child. The dynamic that tends to drive to people apart when they most need to be there for each other -- any explanation for that because human behavior as you know fascinates me. It's all I think about 24/7 human behavior in some way shape or form. I think a big reason for the tearing apart merit went loss is a grandchild is. Coke differently. And I don't mean spirit hyper generalize here I have seen that a lot of women aren't you sweet they want to pocket it they need their part and there with I'm I'm and you lived and man in many ways and you kind of want to go inside and deal with that in their own way and so when. You know perhaps that partner wants -- you know with strong coincided overwhelmed. By other partner can't -- talk about it that her intellect and the harmful. And by our side so part of that you know coupled grief counseling at. Trying to help them break that you know to gather in a way they can all get Bernie Mac and become close or we're out all about me. Mary did you wanna say anything more specific about -- your situation and losing your child or would you prefer not to. I I don't mind I can say something more specific. -- question. -- some talking just talk about of everything that happened and how you originally found out. And you know of the process through which you walked. Well I was them I -- baby early arms eclipse are only summer hours. And it was devastating to me in my hip has spent that same week that we -- our my -- he answer. And -- -- after my daughter's funeral. My pastor in her life for children and automobile accident. Sell ice -- complicated. And I can say that first novel by it and I was not -- very well by the way I almost passed away from. When I had heard became very -- And so -- it was -- -- are -- when the canes are in the reality started out and then the funeral happened. I think that pretty much a closed down I just wanted to sleep all the time. And as I healed physically I had to kind of come out and I remember some months thinking it was rhetoric that I remember thinking. It's just so dark -- -- -- not been attacked in darkness and you know when my. While going to wolf. Don't worry forgive my interruption married but as you said it was dark not just literally dark but metaphorically dark. You had everything going against you didn't see the -- it was February it was Western New York you have been through a series of deaths of people close to you. I can definitely understand that anybody current how you can be so depressed that you didn't want to leave the couch. It was as bad as it -- there was no work experience my life. As the spring came I kind of started to come to life a little bit more but I can't tell you it -- Wet and let it late January start coming around it start to mean about sometimes I don't remember like I MI a are well sudden February. You know -- yet it's not my favorite time here that's person first and. OK now I I have a question that may be a lot of people haven't thought of but I I have to ask you where when it comes to a child who dies and nobody's expecting that death. Or perhaps it is a you know an illness that took a few years but it finally resulted in and immortality. On a lot of parents are hesitant to start cleaning out the bedroom they don't wanna throw out the clothes. They'll even hold onto like soiled napkins are used to wipe the mouth of the baby with good or bad. I don't think I wouldn't say -- good or bad I would say it's necessary at that point about her -- I don't think anybody -- to share those things away from that person and there's a wage -- cookies are doing it for coping it's the way they're holding on America. You know experiencing their loved ones now over time. You know -- -- sometimes -- secret conference sometime they may build their own thing you know as they appeal they -- -- you know all the way from the looks of the item. But at first there are pretty necessary -- -- obviously you know a lot to say about this and I'm sure that -- your experiences. Have come in very handy with your social work practice. Do you find that you are -- more effective communicators compared to -- -- colleagues because of what you personally. Have experience you've been there on the couch not wanting to move almost at a public for a month at a time. But yeah I would say so I believe him you know and to keep being one of the strongest factors and being prepared -- -- think -- a worker and so I can honestly say. I I. Can -- a lot of empathy for those people because I have -- -- and that night I feel -- you know they -- -- electing a child out absolutely I do. Let's one more question for Emory and -- it is this it is the the time. We've talked about closure you started -- conversation by agreeing with me the closure is nonsense. I used to buy into it by the way I think I misspoke before us -- I always thought cloture was nonsense I didn't realize closure was nonsense until several years ago. And I realized I had been sold a bill of goods when it came to you know going through the whole grief process. I'm home long realistically. In your experience does it take people to move from that stage what are. Again they just touched the burner. To where the pain in the diminishes to a point where it's still there at the -- is still there but at least it's bearable. I really have to say is different for every one and I think that. That's the crux of it as bad people need to be patient you know you know they say a year it's generally the crimes -- people need. Yeah -- hurt to get over our court gets squirrel or however you Wednesday it by. It's different for everyone and often a lot of confidence when a parent. Child everywhere there in the beginning. And then get all the -- report on later you know it it's -- my own and that's when they want are now and they are not Nam and now. It's really different for everybody. The people have their own lives and that's and that's one of the things of people in grief often. Lose sight of is affected people around you also have their own lives they have. Bills to pay they have vacations to book they had issues going on with their children they have car bills that have to be paid life goes on. And you're right they're cats is that that's quite difficult for people possibly be there for about a month later you know or they don't realize that there how much suffering -- -- point. I think it's important for that person. -- -- -- I think to reach out at all so yeah like they needed kick out of group -- current account where. You know one of the things I've always wondered about. I don't know if you have any insight on this but anybody who's ever -- their family tree and -- just as I said earlier spent thousands of hours doing my family tree course you're always hoping that that nobody was nobody was screwing around and you are who you think you are based on legitimate genealogy as opposed to you know who whose son are you really whose great great great grandson are you really. But in the old days seriously people would have ten kids if they were lucky five would live to -- ultimate. Have you a chance to look back at all. And every human beings are human beings -- the 1850s or 2014. At how they used to deal with these things because I guarantee there are people listening to the show right now who think that you. And lie and everybody who's called in today a bunch of cry babies who've had a two good. Well actually I did my family history and science great grandparent who. Had I think -- adamantly eight siblings survive. And I often would talk to my father and man you know that they get through that and my other was able -- -- he may have to work and you know they had these kids are raised some things to do like they kept trying. You know maybe we have more time now I don't know. -- you know they thought they stopped although doing so late they did what they had to. We don't have to struggle so hard to -- -- now I think we can deal more emotional. You know all out something like that. And there are those who think that it was better in the old days when we would spend a twelve hours in the farmer or fourteen hours in the farm fields. I have for misery we didn't have time for -- within a time for depression and and we're not talking about the era of prozac or Axl or whatever people take as anti depressants. Right I mean it's probably Carol where they in the healthiest school almost totally. I don't know you know you may be found maybe not there was definitely a lot of stopping and going out. A feeling it out. While while very very interesting. You you've been a war of avert an ever calls been very very interesting that I yours I think the perspective you offer as an MSW. Plus what you went through. Really contributed a lot thank you very much a thank you help a lot of people. Our great thanks -- -- alright folks if you have been through the loss of a child whether it is because of a disease and everybody kind of knew was coming or whether it was a sudden. Accident. I can't imagine opinion growth through. If you wanna put us in the picture. I don't mean to be maudlin about this but frankly it has to be a little bit maudlin. What advice would you offer to people were going through that right now who might go through -- in the future it's just that they don't know yet especially in the case of an accidental death. -- drop let's see you at nine minus. We've dropped six degrees here in the last hour. -- overcast skies tonight shower or thunderstorm overnight low 55 tomorrow clouds showers and thunderstorm high temperature about seven would be and then Thursday variably cloudy some breezy and cooler couple of showers and 62 because like I jumped the gun when I -- spring has sprung. Because I'll start to think that maybe I have a premature just regulation. Which hasn't happened in quite some time but every now and again it happens to the best that has its 63 degrees at news radio 930 WB EN. Let's get back to the calls here. -- This is actually show what you guys are -- Asia. We've seen in the news the death of -- sour which was -- he needed a miracle we all knew it. And the accidental death. Natalie Lewis and the a balloon crash in Richmond and I know that I'm not mentioning every accidental death. That has happened over the past week or two weeks I hope you'll forgive me those are the two that really have been. Have got a lot of news coverage let's go to. Dan -- in all on WB Ian Bennett hello. Target time are you. To just like McCall and a well I'd let my husband and I my daughter. I. Quote control here on the -- to see it. And I am grieving really never stopped. It becomes terrible and you go on and here -- your life as a family yeah type of people missing there's only going to be that -- that caught. And not be right yeah yeah. Quite -- -- and other things into that opening. My dear I want to hear more I wanna hear more from you. I didn't know what direction this call was gonna take if you hold out through the news and appreciate that because I think you can make a valuable contribution does like -- said the show's all about you guys helping each other all right I'm simply the intermediary today hopefully you can hold. On news radio 930 WB --

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